One of the challenges I’ve worked on for MANY years is control. It’s not about feeling the need or wanting to control others ~ I’m more of a “fixer” and “saver” kind of gal and that is a story for another time. For more than half of my life I believed that by working hard I would achieve all of my dreams, and with the additional help of controlling the “how” and forcing the direction toward what I wanted it would be a whole lot easier. It’s true; I was all about the “how” of things because then I could take my vulnerability out of the picture. I wasn’t risking my heart being hurt because I didn’t allow her to enter into the equation. I simply told myself that I knew what was best for me and therefore I could direct the “how”. Was this a successful endeavor? It depends on your definition of success. If you define success as reaching a goal after much struggle and extreme effort, like going against the grain which should have been a sign in itself, because I wasn’t connected to what I wanted but more of what I believed I should want based on external influences ~ then yes, I was successful. If you define success as living your absolute truth and stepping out on faith because you know your divine plan is bigger than anything you could imagine and create on your own ~ then no. I prefer the later meaning.
So what changed? First, I shut up long enough to allow my spirit to be heard and felt. It’s the still small voice that whispers when we allow our hearts to be open and receptive to love and wisdom. There’s an unyielding confidence in this voice that doesn’t require shouts or negativity in order to guide us. It’s really very cool. The process of my trusting and realizing my absolute truth was a delicious three years in the making, but the journey isn’t over. I believe we are students of life until our time on this planet is over. I enjoyed giving up control of the how. I was more focused, centered and lived in the “now”. I wasn’t worried about tomorrow, if I would find the love of my life, or if I would manifest my life purpose. I saw it as done and enjoyed the ride ~ even when the teachers showed up (and trust me they did). It’s not so much about the challenges that made appearances, or even the joy and love filled opportunities. It was how I chose to react, relate and “be” during those experiences. I never ask why do these things always happen to me or what’s next during tough times. Why? Because I know the Universe is more than happy to give me what I want and doesn’t understand from sarcasm. And when life was and is effortless, I was and am right there expressing gratitude and giving back.
What happened next? I did indeed find the love of my life, discovered my life purpose and am living, with great enthusiasm, my absolute truth. Now you would think that by figuring out that I am a co-creator in my dynamic and delicious life, the “how” is not up to me, and trusting in spirit to continually guide me toward this RIDICULOUSLY amazing life I would stay on course. Ha! With a side of No! All of a sudden fear showed up. I became fearful of losing the very things that had manifested in my life. I would wake up in the morning and instead of the gentle voice I heard a rather overbearing and obnoxious timbre telling me that I could create the next part of my journey so much better. I then began to negotiate with my heart. I thought I was doing her a “favor” by giving her a rest after all she had done for me already. The very “control” feature I thought I had given up reared its ugly head, but in disguise! It came by means of “what ifs” and fear-based false realities with gusto. When we think about the types of blocks and obstacles we have to work through the biggest ones are often ourselves. We are the only ones who have the power to keep our good from showing up and I was doing an excellent job as a big ole obstacle.
And now that I’ve unmasked my unwanted visitor that is control, what now? Well, I thank it for saying hello, get back to business and keep on keeping on. The way I see it, if control (after being nudged by ego) showed up again in my life, I must be doing something right. It is the last vestiges of an old persona that is trying to hold onto dear life for an ounce of control. If the chatter I am hearing is anything less than 100% supportive and loving then it isn’t my heart talking. There is no room in my life for lack and limiting thoughts. I THRIVE in mind, body and spirit!
this post is very usefull thx!