• Tweet

• Tweet

When I began to date again after my divorce over five years ago, something felt familiar. It wasn’t the act of jumping back into the dating world, but more so the men I was meeting. After each date, I would swear I knew the person; yet, no one had introduced us ~ we didn’t have the same circle of friends or colleagues. Two lunch dates with two different men two days apart brought it all together for me. During lunch date number one, the gentleman across from me asked, “Why are you always so happy and pumped up? You come across as very intimidating.” There were sounds of crickets for several minutes and then I uttered, “Um, what?” Lunch date number two was even more eventful where the gentleman across the table told me he felt he would be doing me a disservice if he didn’t share his thoughts with me on what I was doing wrong. Doing wrong? He explained that I was far too confident and shared too much of the real me which is intimidating. Clearly I didn’t understand the rules of dating, and he suggested I should be less of me until at least date six or seven. After sharing what I believed to be his need to locate a particular area on his person, I left. On my way home in the cab I realized the problem ~ the reason all the men I was meeting and the dates I was going seemed so recognizable. I was dating my ex-husband ~ different body, but same personality and ego.

For days I sat in my apartment and beat myself up for not seeing with clarity the men I had been choosing. After all, I was a new woman! My dysfunctional and emotionally abuse marriage was over and I had changed. Yet, herein lied the problem. The ONLY thing I had shifted was my external set of circumstances. Tangible evidence of my moving forward was evident and that’s great; however, I had done nothing to work on inner change. A transformation occurs that is intangible; it’s an inner process that needs to be aligned with the physical changes in our external world. Although my ex-husband was out of the picture, I was still holding onto my old beliefs and false truths of my “I AM”. I am responsible for the happiness of others. I am supposed to put my needs on the back burner. I am okay with allowing someone else to tell me what is best for me. I am supposed to take in and care for needy men. ICK! I shouldn’t have been surprised that I had directed myself back toward the same situations and circumstances. I was using the same, worn map! Without working to resolve these false truths, my ex-husband was going to keep showing up.

We don’t always consider inner change fun because often it takes time for things to become visible. Although changes are occurring, if we can’t see, feel, taste or touch them, we don’t know or believe anything is happening. We become frustrated and then we get in our own way. It’s important to honor our obstacles, blocks and fears so we can understand why they’ve shown up and work toward resolutions. It’s important to find out why we are choosing to stay stuck. What are we getting out of not moving forward? Trust me, if you’re holding onto a fear, you are receiving something. If I don’t apply for a job that sounds perfect, I don’t have to worry about rejection. What are we losing by resolving a block or obstacle? As we grow and change (both internally and externally), we can often move in a direction and the very people we believed would be in our lives always are not. There’s a mourning period even though we know that what we are manifesting are the very things we deserve.

We need to ask the tough questions in order to affect change. An effortless journey toward the manifestation of what we deserve doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges. Effortlessness comes because we know we are worth it. Our time is now to shine on and create a new map whose cartography supports a joy and love filled existence.

Tweet